Life Skills Development/Affective Listening

Consider the logistics for the Gift of Listening - each of the pair takes turns to be listened to and for the same length of time

Share equal time for each of the pair: Speaker 'A' speaks for 'x' minutes and Speaker 'B' affirms using the heart after Time signal. Then Speaker 'B' speaks for 'x' minutes and Speaker 'A' affirms using the heart after time signal.

1. What to speak about?

You can speak of anything you like but remember that your hurts started earlier – sometimes in childhood and the pattern plays when something similar triggers the memory. Check what makes you shout, or become angry. Try to remember sometime in your childhood when you felt similarly. Talk about this too, in the Gift of Listening.

2. Practicing Affirming via modelling.

Practise affirming based on the qualities of the heart. See Activity. Say the name of the person and affirm them by contradicting anything negative or reinforce the positive: “Nalini, you are loving and good” after she told you she beat her children because she was sad about her partner’s ignoring her.

3. Teach someone the Gift of Listening and practise the Gift of Listening regularly. You deserve to be listened to. We would all be more emotionally intellegent and available, if we practised this form of listening regularly.

Activity

Answer the following questions as honestly as possible. 1. What are the intrinsic qualities of self? Brainstorm and consider five types of intrinsic qualities and writes these in a heart. Some examples of these intrinsic qualities include ‘Good, Loving, Energetic, Intelligent, Powerful’. Then add to I am, ‘and you are’. 2. Think about the way you like to be listened to when you wish to talk about important issues to others. Brainstorm what you like and what you do not. Write these into a table with two columns labelled– ‘Like’ and ‘Do Not Like’. Give examples. E.g. Does it satisfy you when you are getting good attention (eye contact)? Give examples of when they were not satisfied about the way you were being listened to. (Turning away; reading a newspaper; walking away; interrupting them with one story, etc.) Draw a diamond in your portfolio under the label ‘How I wish to be listened to’ and write in the ways you chose to be listened to. There could be full attention with eye contact and nodding, ‘uh huh’, but with no interruptions out of curiosity as well as no judgment, advice or comments. 3. Discuss with your friend and write in your portfolio, the structure and logistics for the Gift of Listening. Decide on the length of time for both of you. Remember to affirm the other at the end of the time you are listening to him/ her. 4. Processing about the Gift of Listening afterwards: Describe what went well and what was difficult – who wanted to interrupt? You put up your hand. Who forgot and gave advice and comments? Who got good affirmations? 5. Writing reflections: Write your reflections on this activity for this activity for inclusion in your portfolio.