Tongan Traditional Way of dating a girl

Dating girls in our Tongan society has changed alot,when we compare from my parents time and when I was growing up as well it has changed alot in many ways.Changes occur,some accept it, while others are slow to accept the changes that exist.Female are highly ranked and respected in my Tongan society by men.Alot of priviliges were given to the female gender which was passed down to their children.Therefore there was a expected norm of behaviour practised by the men if they wanted to date a female and eventaully married her if the dating was accepted by the girl and her family.

In the olden days it was a normal practise for the man to go the females home and ask the parents,mainly the father if he could come in the afternoon.After they had supper in the evening.If the father agreed then they would arrange the time suitable for him to come over.He would make it clear to the girls father if he wants to just talk to his daughter or he will come with a couple of men(4/8 men) and have a kava party.The number of the men coming depends on the male who is dating the girl.They can be his brothers,relatives close friends or men he has invited to join him.

On the hand the girl is expected to serve the kava to the group of men that come to her house that evening.They sit around in a circle,the girl is in the centre with the kava bowel.It is known here as the kumete,the kava juice is served in coconut shells.The coconut shells are scraped and cleaned before using it.The number of coconut shells depends on the number of men present at her house.Traditionally the girls home should have the kava bowel and coconut shells ready for the kava party.The men are allowed to sing and share jokes during the nigh, but the main focus is the gentlemen dating the girl.He is allowed to sit beside her or any were he feels comfortable to sit during the kava party.